While shopping today at one of my favorite stores in one of my favorite departments, I came across a saleswoman who had something to say. It wasn’t what I was expecting. She told me that she disliked working with women and found them to be back-stabbing, conniving, jealous, manipulative and generally untrustworthy. No matter how much I was tempted to disagree, or try to persuade her otherwise, I held my tongue and let her talk. This, unfortunately, has been her experience over a long career in the public service sector before retiring out of frustration and now working for minimum wage – in the upscale ladies department of course.
This conversation stood out in my mind as I continued to shop in her area and contemplated how her experience could be so different from mine. I came from the helping and public service field too. I founded a women’s only business group. I have worked with over 1,000 women over the past 10 years. I am highly involved with professional women’s groups with a local combined network of approximately 750 women. I love being around them and spending my time and myself with them.
It was surprising to me to meet a woman whose opinion about women was so opposite of my own. As I continued to listen to her talk with others, I started to understand. I heard her make comments about how unhappy she is living in the heat, how she is caring for aging parents (and therefore can’t move), how she feels “psycho” when the other sales associates move the displays, how she thinks her lunch break should be moved by 30 minutes to make her day feel shorter and how she sees her job as helping ordinary people dress up so that they can look the part of being successful; whether or not they really are. After several minutes I realized that her conversation was a litany of complaints no matter what the subject. Wow. I found myself feeling quite grateful to be living in my own head and not in hers.
The experiences that we get in this world are often nothing more than a reflection of ourselves and what we choose to see. Now that is not to say that this woman did not have legitimate negative experiences while working with other women, but there comes a point when holding onto that experience only serves to drain her of her own positive and creative energy. I found myself wondering how many nice women appeared to be unkind to her once she expected them to be.
The bottom line is this: whatever you are looking for, you will find it – whether it be in yourself or someone else.
I encourage you to find the good in yourself and others. I encourage us all to be mindful and take unecessary complaints out of our conversations. Refusing to gossip, complain, or whine and lifting ourselves above the pettiness of negative judgmental thinking will not only continually improve how others feel, but it will continually improve your own experience inside and out. What we focus on grows.
It has been my experience that the vast majority of women I meet are kind, smart, helpful, and talented in their own unique ways. The more I notice and appreciate the gifts that we each bring, the more amazing women I meet!
Women help women to change the world by refusing the cat-fight and becoming the catalyst instead!
